The blues.  I've had a case of them for a few weeks, and I've taken comfort in seeing these moody hues all around.  Regardless of blue being “in” right now, it’s encouraging to be propelled by a color, especially when the color visually represents how I’m feeling inside.  Yet this representation hasn't been enough to get me out of the funk.  My wonderful friend and Ayurvedic practitioner, Meredith, always has beautiful insight into how I’m feeling regarding my doshas (I’m tri-doshic) and the seasons.  My kapha is abnormally out of balance due to some outside health ailments, but we are also currently in kapha season.  I’ve been feeling all kinds of heavy, slow, sluggish, cloudy, and stuck.  Meredith recommended dancing for 20 minutes a day to get all of this stale energy moving.  The first time I implemented my new “treatment” (the following day), I broke into tears about three songs into my crazy-amazing-solo-dance-party.  Why?  I realized that I hadn’t been experiencing much joy in my life at all…for a while.  I was so struck by how much lighter I felt, that my body naturally was ready to release some of the mucky, stagnant energy.  

Here are some beautiful objects for you to embrace the blues, as well as a playlist to get you moving through them.  We can support times of sadness, depression, and staleness, while we simultaneously acknowledge that it’s okay to be blue, and it’s also okay to move through the blues.  Meredith specifically suggested that I listen to metal and rap, as these are the genres that counter kapha the most, but this playlist is a little more my style (and still helps me counter that kapha).  Whether you're rocking out to Parquet Courts or getting down to Marvin Gaye, there's something for everyone.  I hope you laugh at the Datarock song as much as I do :).  Enjoy!

A Personal Uniform launches garments twice a year with editions of 15-20 items.  All garments are crafted from high quality material and produced in-house in their Bankok studio.  Simple in practice yet incredibly inspiring and interesting in concept, their pieces are quite stunning and captivating while still being wearable.  I’m drooling over their entire collection, including this navy wrap-dress.

You may already know how much I love Rachel Saunders Ceramics from my previous post about her work.  This love only keeps getting stronger with each new piece she releases.  This periwinkle vase has been giving me all kinds of feels.  Shop her pieces here.  

I recently discovered Ajaie Alaie, and I’m in love with the motivation and inspiration behind their clothing.  Here’s a statement from their website:  "Ajaie Alaie is all about mindfulness and reminding women to be mindful with their daily thoughts and actions. Each garment has an amulet on the inside of the garment at a specific energy point (a chakra), represented by a design detail, a knot, twist, dart etc... We believe keeping these energy points balanced is instrumental for our well-being and success. Each garment is reminding us to feel proud of our accomplishments, to love unconditionally, feel secure, grounded, and feel safe...Ajaie Alaie’s woman is aware of her surroundings, of world issues and is in constant strive to be a better version of herself. Ajaie Alaie's woman is in constant motion, flow, and always looking to broaden her perspectives."  This is perhaps the most beautiful description for a clothing line I've ever read.  I am in awe of the attention to detail, thoughtfulness, and spirituality woven into their garments and philosophy.   They are also extremely sustainable, ethical, and conscious - I encourage you to read about their fabrics and process because all brands should strive for this much consideration for the environment.  You can browse these powder blue beauties and the rest of their pieces here.  

I was scrolling through By Far’s collection, deciding which pair I would get once I could pull the trigger, and I immediately felt self-betrayal coming on for my typical gravitation towards neutral colored shoes.  These stopped me in my tracks.  The color on this shape is stunning.  Please buy them so I can google over your feet.  Made out of premium Italian materials, all of their shoes are handmade in a family-owned factory in Bulgaria  They now make a third of their collection from dead-stock leather.  YES to sustainable fashion.  I own a pair of their boots, and they are incredible chic (of course), comfortable, and easily blend into my everyday style.

Paloma Wool is always coming out with items that feel fresh, interesting, and wearable.  This blue backpack is no different.  It will add the perfect pop of color to any outfit, and it’s small enough to easily carry around while still being roomy enough to fit everyday necessities.  This bag is 100% leather and made in Barcelona (the brand’s home).  

I have always loved wearing socks with heels.  A college roommate of mine once told me she just didn't "get" the look, but that didn't stop me from wearing them to preppy parties.  I'm seeing them a lot more (and not just with casual sneakers), and I am particularly loving the delicate style of these sheer Darner ones.  I have a pair in white, and they give any outfit flair (sexy flair in my opinion).  These blue mesh socks remind me of the sky - they're super dreamy.  Browse Darner's instagram here.

I'm a sucker for anything linen.  I wear it.  I sleep in it.  I would bathe in it if I could.  This 100% linen table cloth is made by IN BED, a conscious, Sydney based bedding (and extras) company.  Their linen is grown and harvested in France and then transferred to their family-run factory in Shenzhen China.  As an ethical brand, they also use natural, reusable, or recyclable fabrics to package their products in.  Browse the rest of their beautifully simple products here.

Cienne's instagram tagline is "Deliberately discerning (practically poetic)."  I feel like I can stop writing now, as this is such a beautiful description of their brand and also of how I like to dress and live.  Their collections are designed by Nicole Heim and Chelsea Healy and made in New York.  Their mission is based on three pillars - empowering people, producing responsibly, and elevating & preserving craftsmanship.  They source natural and sustainable fibers from global communities and employ craftspeople in developing countries.  This doesn't stop them from creating high-end, editorial worthy, and gorgeous clothing.  The texture of this blazer is incredible and the fit is impeccable.  Shop their current collection here.  

Don't forget to listen to and DANCE along with the playlist. 

I feel trapped.  Stifled.  Suffocated.  I need space.

This is a theme for me.  One that I have been consciously exploring in the last two years, and as of late, it feels like this need is only getting stronger and louder.  It’s pretty obvious that no one person (other than myself) or object can give me this space.  Perhaps a larger home would (I’m in 300 sq ft with another person and a dog).  Perhaps.  Yet this need for space has depth.  So much depth.  When I close my eyes I often see myself swimming with dolphins in the deep sea or walking in the open desert.  My subconscious is taking me to vast, expansive places.  Places that are unknown, elusive, and even otherworldly.

These visions help me to access the spaciousness within, while my physical world may not be as roomy at the moment.  I spent nearly a year of my life in fight-or-flight mode, and while I’m so thankful to be out of that state, my body is still holding onto some of the trauma (which I’m actively working on releasing), and the areas in which I’m seeking expansion in my life are remaining stagnant (or seemingly so).  For instance, we moved into the moldy place after identifying that we needed some more physical space than we had in our tiny Echo Park cottage - to have alone time, to create, to rest, etc.  We eventually ended up in an even tinier all-one-room cottage.  Thankfully, we now live in nature, amongst the trees.  But you can probably gauge why the feeling of suffocation comes up regarding this situation - I left the tiny Echo Park cottage for more space, learned and grew so much in that insanely difficult time, and then ended up in the “same” situation I was trying to expand from in the first place.  But I can create a bit of space simply by not attaching to that meaning.  By knowing internally that I’m not in the same place I was a year and a half ago.  That I’ve learned so much.  That it might not all be crystal clear, but I’m listening.  I’m tuning in.

It’s frustrating to do self work and to have incredible epiphanies and realizations and connections and to then watch your life stay stagnant.  But this is where I get deterred from being in the unknown (which is actually a place of spaciousness, like the ocean) - by trying to “figure it out.”  By trying to attach to some kind of understanding of the situation or the need.  Yet truly, the only thing that works is to let it breathe.  To allow it to be there without having to understand.  To trust that everything will be revealed in due course.  And if I’m not “getting something” it’s not because I’m not doing the work - because I am.  I cannot force myself to accelerate faster.  All I can do is show up for myself.  And in that showing up, I’m being asked to go into the depths of feeling stuck and suffocated to learn and extract more from it than I can currently fathom. 

Part of this process for me involved clearing out all most of my possessions.  This allowed me to open up the space to even hear this voice.  To heed to its calling.  Because so much of my attachment to the “what if’s” relating to those items was released as soon as I let them go.  And this letting go has allowed me to be where I am.  To stay in the simplicity of each moment.  To release my yearning and needing for things outside of myself.  To detach from old stories and ways of being.  The more physical space I cleared, the more metaphysical space became available for me to dive into.  This may not be the case for everyone.  This work is so individualistic (depending on the truth of your internal needs).  But whatever the need, the physical and metaphysical are connected.  When we are only exploring one realm, we are missing parts of the whole.  If we go straight to the metaphysical without looking at the concrete, we lose connection from the earthliness of grounding in reality.  If we only go into the physical, we lose the magic and the message of what’s trying to come through and help us to grow.  

I’ve been connecting these two worlds by utilizing my objects to create space for myself, through rituals.  Here are a couple of examples:

MORNING TONIC

I listen to soothing music, heat up water or mylk, and then gather my spices and adaptogens.  The process - of waiting for the kettle to steam, stirring everything together with the tiny wooden spoon, slowly sipping, and enjoying time with myself - is an intimate one.  It allows me to slow down and stay present at the start of my day.  You can read more of this here.

GETTING DRESSED

I ask my body what it needs.  Does my body need ease and movement (something open and free like a linen jumpsuit) or structure (something more containing like denim)?  This simple question opens me up to the truth of what my body needs, so that I can respond with receptiveness.  

These tiny acts create space, because being in touch with the truth and in tune with my needs always does.  When I go about life in autopilot - fight-or-flight, or going through the motions - where’s the room for me?  It’s really about peeling the layers in order to have more compassion, not more understanding or knowing.   To lay bare, to become more raw.  It is in this rawness that I have no choice but to surrender.  To let go.  To need nothing but the space between myself and a universe I may never understand.  

If you feel called to learn more and to dive into this work, explore booking a session.  Feel free to email me with any questions.

Most of us understand that we look to others in order to get our needs met, and we can also understand that this is not healthy.  What we may not realize is that we look to our things to meet our needs as well.  On a surface level, our objects really can do this.  A tea kettle gives us hot water, a vase holds flowers, shoes protect the soles of our feet, an art book gives us inspiration.  Yet, we are the only ones who can truly meet our needs from within.  Learning this is is a process, which includes stripping our conditioning and false ideas of self; however, we can start this process by leaning into each moment.  What do I need right now? Grounding? Self care? Inspiration? To just be okay alone?  All of these answers can be met by simply taking a walk in nature and/or meditating.  So rather than looking to our things to fulfill our deeper needs (when misused this often looks like projecting a false sense of identity, power, or status onto objects), we can look to them to help us do the work.  We can transform “I want that because it’s pretty,” to “how can this serve me?”  Perhaps a vase will help you to create a ritual of foraging greenery once a week.  A tea kettle that you love will inspire you to make more tonics or simply to sit down once a day with a cup of tea on your porch.  An art book will inspire you to flip through its pages instead of Instagram photos.  A small ceramic plate will hold space for your palo santo, which will remind you to light the incense and take 15 minutes to meditate.  

Our objects are an extension of us not because they communicate who we are, but rather because they are the vessels in which we transmit connection.  As I’ve mentioned before, our objects are mirrors, reflections back at us.  Unlike humans, objects don’t have agendas or egos.  They don’t even have life or breath without us, so we can really see ourselves clearly in our relationships with them because they are incapable of projecting anything onto us - the reflections back are solely from our own projections.  These projections reveal what we need to shift within ourselves.  Our objects are simply there to serve us.  They can be used as gateways to discovery and learning - not only by aiding us in our rituals, but also by looking at the ways in which we project onto them from our ego space.  What if you only acquired objects to aid in your growth? What if you transformed your relationship with the objects you already have in order to serve a greater purpose?  Start with one object.  Ask it how it serves you.  If the answer that comes through is that it serves something coming from the ego, then ask how it can serve you from your heart space?  How can it aid you in order to meet a need from within? 

Photography by Angi Welsch & styling by me, for Jenni Kayne.

I’ve always known this intellectually, that I am enough.  I am whole on my own.  I don’t need anyone or anything to aid in being enough.  Yet, as I’ve been examining areas and experiences in my life, I’m finding that I’m not fully “there” yet.  I still at times experience guilt and shame for simply being me.  This is absolutely from past conditioning, which I’m working on stripping (it’s a process), hence the name of this series. 

When I dove into the feeling of not being enough, I realized that it has in the past manifested as presenting myself a certain way in order to be seen for who I am.  This has typically been tied to my possessions, not my personality.  It was extremely difficult to accept this as true because I’ve never used my “things” to prove anything to others.  But I have used my things as a way to feel like myself.  Perhaps it was filling myself with a false sense of authenticity - even if the objects resonated with me.  This is why I stress that this work is rooted in the relationship we have with our objects, not the objects themselves.  I can only be myself and feel like myself in my nakedness.  So when I’m seeking something from them (objects), I am unable to seek the same subject or theme from myself.  In simpler terms - I’m looking in the wrong places.  I have everything I need within, so when I look to external sources, even for self-confirmation of any kind (even if the sources are healthy people we love or ethical objects we love), I’m reverberating that in some capacity, I am not enough.

Lately, I’ve been going through the process of ridding myself of almost all of my things.  Not because I made the decision to, or wanted to, but because in a higher sense I am being asked to.  I’m simply choosing to follow that nudge.  At the same time, I’ve had some illuminating, painful, and beautiful realizations and “aha” moments (through Unblocked Reparent, meditation, and other intuitive work).  I realized that growing up, I had to deny so many parts of myself in order to exist in my environment - I was not able to simply be me.   The process I’m going through now - while incredibly uncomfortable - feels like a beautiful gift.  A gift of being born again, in order to rise as my true self.  I’ve been given a clean slate, to metaphorically go back into the womb, as a gestation period.  So rather than adding things into my life to fill any emptiness I may be feeling, I’m shedding life as I know it (ideas, ways of being, things) in order to open the space for me to be enough without any of it - with nothing but my naked self.  I have no crutch to fall back on, and I don’t need one.  No one does.

This work is not about curating a perfect lifestyle.  It’s about warmth and invitation - to yourself.  Your needs, desires, fears, flaws.  It’s an invitation to all of it.  To examine it so that you can form a new relationship with yourself in order grow.  Just like our relationships with people, our objects are our mirrors.  Examine each one of your objects.  First check-in with yourself, and then ask the object - what are you here for?  What are you showing me?

If you are looking to go deeper into this work, you can book a one-on-one session here. 

Photo by Claire Cottrell.