No compromise. None. I don’t mean with others, but with myself. With my desires. My truths. My being. I will not compromise. This is my vow to myself - that I will not take less than what I need, what I know I deserve. I will not deny my body, my inner self of what she requires. This is essential to her wellbeing, I’m finding.
I have said yes in my life too many times because I thought I should, even though she knew not to. Yes, I will show up to this party for my friend even though I feel like complete shit. Yes, I will sleep with you because it will be fun, even though I wish you were someone else. Yes, I will take this low work rate, even though I know I deserve more. Because what if I let my friend down? Because aren’t I supposed to be enjoying myself? Because what if more money won’t be coming in? This is not the voice I want to feed. This voice is the conditioned one. The one who feels shame for being an artist. The one who is scared to draw outside of the lines too often. The one who was told she could do anything she wanted within the confines of certain rules. The one who felt misled because why couldn’t she do anything she wanted without limits?
Boundlessness. That is what I’m seeking now. I used to think this meant saying yes to everything. If I say yes to everything, I will be led to exactly where I’m supposed to be. I have said yes in my life to things I knew I didn’t want. I’ve also said no to things I knew I didn’t want. I would always second guess myself when saying no. What if I’m supposed to go to Canada to work on this movie set for this amazing actress, instead of spending time building my own career? Why did I say no? This is the torture I would put myself through, even though I said no to pursue my own passion. So I spent an entire year intentionally saying yes to see what would show up for me. To sort of “test” it out.
In 2016 I was working on a great freelance styling gig for a great company making great money, until it wasn’t so great. Until I realized there was a lot of sliminess going on behind the scenes. Until the person working above me verbally accosted me, and my body responded by being in a constant state of anxiety and fear when I was in the studio. When I watched the same thing happen to another employee, that was it. I left. I was listening to my body, and I could not show up any longer in such terrible, negative energy. And then I went back. Because I was asked to. Because I was experimenting with saying yes. Because I knew I needed to show up to see what would happen. My anxiety did not dissipate. It worsened. Eventually, I was sort of “phased out.” I was not meant to be there any longer. The universe took care of the situation for me. Many things like this happened in that year, and it was all confirmation that my intuition always knows. She never fails me.
Discernment. This is what I learned so deeply through these experiences. I have always had a very strong intuition and even what I would call a gift of discernment. Yet, I still would question myself. No more. Because I want more. No does not mean turning down opportunities or shutting myself off from the world. It means no, I will not compromise my truths for anything or anyone - not even for my own fears and uncertainties. Saying no does not always look pretty. I said no to a moldy apartment that was making me sick, even though it meant couch surfing and being away from my man and our dog. I said no to every potential new home that didn’t feel right, even though it meant being being without a home. I said no to working for disrespectful clients, even though it meant also saying no to money. And yet, I feel stronger in myself than ever before. I trust that I will be taken care of, without compromise.
No compromise can always be applied to objects of attainment. Why purchase or obtain (even if it’s free) something unless it’s 100 percent in line with what you need, deserve, and love. If you apply this concept not only to your moral compass, but also to your Object Philosophy, you will begin to weed out the objects that don’t serve you and bring in ones that do.
Stripping down to the root of who you truly are will always help you to collect more mindfully, and more importantly, to connect more intentionally to your things, your rituals, and yourself. If you need guidance with this, you can book a one-on-one session here. Feel free to get in touch with any questions.