Some of you may know that my parents recently had all of our family home videos digitized because I posted a few of them on my stories.  A lot of them are fucking hilarious, and I simply couldn’t resist sharing them.  I sat through and watched nearly all of them (there are many) in one weekend, and I observed that I was almost always making weird noises and faces.  I was also almost always told to “stop doing that,” to “look at the camera,” and to “show my face.”  

So I learned to stop doing that.  Not just from the commentary of my parents, but from the confines of society.  Do you ever feel completely repressed because it’s socially unacceptable to make a weird noise/face/body movement in public?  I do. We are told to explore and to be creative, but within the confines of a box.  “Be yourself!”  “No, not like that.”  I’m sure you’ve heard this before.  Yes, social etiquette is in place for a reason, but these rigid lines also keep us small, safe, and sheltered.  They make us feel like we cannot veer outside of the box, but at the root, that we cannot fully be ourselves.  

Let’s try to blur those lines a bit.   We can start by working with our objects in new ways.  I’ve written about how most objects have a self-evident, assigned purpose, yet it is us who assign meaning through use.  So we can flip this “self-evident” model on its head by foregoing labeled use and instead tapping into the wisdom of our bodies.  We can allow ourselves to veer of course by assigning nontraditional purposes to some of our objects, in order to practice a deeper sense of connection with our natural instincts.  Perhaps your mug will become your new vase, your kitchen bowl will instead hold extra toilet paper rolls in the bathroom.  Tap into your inner wisdom while observing your objects - how will each object best serve you?  If you want to put your salt holder on top of a stack of books to also hold your rings - do that. If you want to use a chair as your bedside table - go ahead. Challenge your own perceptions.  This will ignite dormant creativity for you to tap into, while helping you to break free from the confines you place on yourself, as well as on your possessions.  

Here’s an exercise you can practice if you want to go deeper:

Where do you hold yourself back?  Where do you limit your fluidity in order to keep yourself safe?  Use these questions as journal prompts.  Then see where you can challenge what comes up beyond your mental perceptions, but rather by how you operate in your space.  

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In last week’s post, I wrote a nightly shut-off ritual, where I suggested having a bit of a sensual experience with your sheets prior to going to bed. This exercise is truly about connecting to your body in order to ground before falling asleep. Sensuality is about awakening pleasure in the senses, and no, it’s not always related to sexuality. The reason I practice grounding with objects is because they are physical, and grounding is about physical connection to our bodies and to the earth. Yes, our objects can be machine made out of less than “earthly” materials, but you can actively choose to surround yourself with objects made mindfully. I encourage you to observe your objects, but I also encourage you to touch them. Run your fingers over the imperfect texture of your ceramic vase, your hands on the soft paper of your book. Awaken the pleasure in your senses, and feel into your body. We can choose to check-out and we can choose to connect - it’s up to us. Here are some recommendations of beautiful items to connect to your sensuality (all female-owned brands), and listen to the Sensual Healing playlist while you browse.

Lonely is “for women who wear lingerie as a love letter to themselves.” - Helene Morris, Lonely Designer. They are an ethically based company in New Zealand with stockists all over the world and celebrate fostering positive body image for all women. On their website, you will find their Lonely Girls series, where they feature women wearing their beautiful pieces in the comfort of their own spaces. I am completely in love with this beautiful set photographed by Kelly Geddes (one of my favorite photographers) for Anyonegirl, which is the perfect segue to the next item.

Anyonegirl is an online and in-print journal, with beautiful photography and insight. I first discovered them while shopping at Passenger (a lovely store in Echo Park) and picked up the first issue of Waist. “WAIST considers the ideas surrounding the female mid-section, both inside and out, exploring sex, movement, digestion and a woman’s GUT INSTINCT.” I am excited to explore issue 03.

I just discovered Nedda Atassi, a ceramicist whose work is absolutely stunning. I’m captivated by her use of organic shapes. The crinkled vase, featured above, is the perfect object to practice grounding with. It’s made of the earth, free-form, and there’s so much to explore in the texture. Browse more in her shop.

The work of Studio Mari is both interesting and timeless. I recently had the pleasure of meeting Mari, and she is no different. Her jewelry pieces are like small sculptures, alluding to much larger references. Putting on jewelry can be a slow experience. Explore the piece as you slide it down your finger or clasp it around your neck. All pieces by Studio Mari are designed and made in Los Angeles. Shop here.

Willow feminine oil is about “embracing women’s sexuality through self care.” Willow is comprised of high quality oils to help balance hormones and PH levels, soothe irritation, and nourish the skin. Oh and I haven’t mentioned - it’s for your vagina. I need to get myself a bottle, but I did try the oil (on my hands) when Nicole, the founder and creator, let me try it prior to the launch. It smells incredible, and it can be used on other parts of the body as well. Vaginal health is so important, and we often neglect this area as a result of lack of information and understanding of the best way to care down there. Our everyday soaps can be very stripping to this area. Willow can help you to break this neglect with a simple, nourishing, and hopefully sensual ritual. You can purchase the oil here.

Eliana Rodriguez recently debuted her line of beautiful and simple comfort-wear, Gil Rodriguez - a clothing company designed and made in Los Angeles that adheres to ethical and sustainable practices. They source their fabrics from local mills and fairly compensate their workers. These are the Benton Leggings, made of 90% cotton, and they look incredibly comfortable and soft - to touch and against skin.

I recently came across Dehei, a New Zealand-based range of knit bedding made of 100% cotton marle. Dehei means “at home” in Swiss. Make these products part of your nightly ritual, and you’ll certainly feel at home within your bed and yourself.

Listen to the playlist here while practicing some of your new rituals.

We all grab on for security.  It’s a very human thing to do.  If we look to our spaces and objects, we find that they make us feel secure.  But our physical world doesn’t actually provide us security.  Yes, physical things can keep us safe and comfortable - shelter, blankets, etc.  But even so, there is no guarantee that our roof won’t collapse or that we won’t feel cold. 

Attachment is an illusion.  When we let go of attachment - to our identity, to our stuff, to people, to how we feel things should be - we are simply letting go of a false sense of security.  What does that leave?  The truth.  And the truth here is that security is an illusion as well.  Everything is constantly in flux, and there is no guarantee that you will stay exactly where you are right now.  I can actually promise that you will never be exactly where you are right now again.  Even if your current home, relationship, or job does not change, your perspective will.  Tomorrow you may wake up in the same bed with the same sheets in your same body, but you will most likely feel differently than you did when you woke up today.  What roofs and blankets cannot do, is keep us safe and comfortable in our internal world.  Only we can do that.    

In our attempt to feel secure, we try to control our external environment.  But in this place, there is no room for the unknown, for freedom, for magic.  We are never actually in control, as we are powerless over other people, places, and situations.  So when we let go of the need for security, we let go of control.  And when we do this, we may at first feel uneasy or uncomfortable because we are pointing the focus inward.  We will continue to feel discomfort until we learn to be totally okay without security.  We feel liberated when we realize that security does not lie in anything we can touch or see.  It lies within. 

Where do you feel insecure?  Self conscious?  Uncertain?  Look there.  What objects give you the illusion of filling these voids or push you to grasp for concrete answers?  Tear your relationship down with those objects.  Let go of your attachments to them.  You don't have to get rid of them, but instead, form new relationships with them.  What can they provide you with when you realize they cannot keep you secure?  How can they serve you in navigating the deepest parts of your inner self?  If answering this feels heavy, start by activating your senses.  Whatever you’re working with - what does it feel like, smell like?  Run you hands over it, take note of the material, shape, and texture.  You’ll start to ground into your body, and the physicality will awaken connection with yourself, so that you can dive into the inner most depths with some genuine comfort.  

Photo by Lauren Moore of my previous home. 

Dive deeper into the work:

Alexa de la Cruz is a jewelry designer, a mother, and an awe-inspiring human.  When a photo of hers pops up on my feed, I am always lured in - to her captivating charm, her slow home life, and her journey with motherhood.  I feel like she could move mountains with her stunning beauty.  It radiates from within.  I had the pleasure of photographing the Escalón Signet Ring from her collection.  She chose a green jade for the stone, and it is such a peaceful, dreamy color.   Her jewelry is truly unique and made impeccably with acute attention to form.

Here is an excerpt from her website:  Each piece is handcrafted in Mexico City by the hands of great artisans. Inspired by organic forms and traditional Mexican silversmithing, creating sculptural, timeless pieces to be worn by the modern, sophisticated woman.

Shop her collection here.