Some of you may know that my parents recently had all of our family home videos digitized because I posted a few of them on my stories.  A lot of them are fucking hilarious, and I simply couldn’t resist sharing them.  I sat through and watched nearly all of them (there are many) in one weekend, and I observed that I was almost always making weird noises and faces.  I was also almost always told to “stop doing that,” to “look at the camera,” and to “show my face.”  

So I learned to stop doing that.  Not just from the commentary of my parents, but from the confines of society.  Do you ever feel completely repressed because it’s socially unacceptable to make a weird noise/face/body movement in public?  I do. We are told to explore and to be creative, but within the confines of a box.  “Be yourself!”  “No, not like that.”  I’m sure you’ve heard this before.  Yes, social etiquette is in place for a reason, but these rigid lines also keep us small, safe, and sheltered.  They make us feel like we cannot veer outside of the box, but at the root, that we cannot fully be ourselves.  

Let’s try to blur those lines a bit.   We can start by working with our objects in new ways.  I’ve written about how most objects have a self-evident, assigned purpose, yet it is us who assign meaning through use.  So we can flip this “self-evident” model on its head by foregoing labeled use and instead tapping into the wisdom of our bodies.  We can allow ourselves to veer of course by assigning nontraditional purposes to some of our objects, in order to practice a deeper sense of connection with our natural instincts.  Perhaps your mug will become your new vase, your kitchen bowl will instead hold extra toilet paper rolls in the bathroom.  Tap into your inner wisdom while observing your objects - how will each object best serve you?  If you want to put your salt holder on top of a stack of books to also hold your rings - do that. If you want to use a chair as your bedside table - go ahead. Challenge your own perceptions.  This will ignite dormant creativity for you to tap into, while helping you to break free from the confines you place on yourself, as well as on your possessions.  

Here’s an exercise you can practice if you want to go deeper:

Where do you hold yourself back?  Where do you limit your fluidity in order to keep yourself safe?  Use these questions as journal prompts.  Then see where you can challenge what comes up beyond your mental perceptions, but rather by how you operate in your space.  

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In last week’s post, I wrote a nightly shut-off ritual, where I suggested having a bit of a sensual experience with your sheets prior to going to bed. This exercise is truly about connecting to your body in order to ground before falling asleep. Sensuality is about awakening pleasure in the senses, and no, it’s not always related to sexuality. The reason I practice grounding with objects is because they are physical, and grounding is about physical connection to our bodies and to the earth. Yes, our objects can be machine made out of less than “earthly” materials, but you can actively choose to surround yourself with objects made mindfully. I encourage you to observe your objects, but I also encourage you to touch them. Run your fingers over the imperfect texture of your ceramic vase, your hands on the soft paper of your book. Awaken the pleasure in your senses, and feel into your body. We can choose to check-out and we can choose to connect - it’s up to us. Here are some recommendations of beautiful items to connect to your sensuality (all female-owned brands), and listen to the Sensual Healing playlist while you browse.

Lonely is “for women who wear lingerie as a love letter to themselves.” - Helene Morris, Lonely Designer. They are an ethically based company in New Zealand with stockists all over the world and celebrate fostering positive body image for all women. On their website, you will find their Lonely Girls series, where they feature women wearing their beautiful pieces in the comfort of their own spaces. I am completely in love with this beautiful set photographed by Kelly Geddes (one of my favorite photographers) for Anyonegirl, which is the perfect segue to the next item.

Anyonegirl is an online and in-print journal, with beautiful photography and insight. I first discovered them while shopping at Passenger (a lovely store in Echo Park) and picked up the first issue of Waist. “WAIST considers the ideas surrounding the female mid-section, both inside and out, exploring sex, movement, digestion and a woman’s GUT INSTINCT.” I am excited to explore issue 03.

I just discovered Nedda Atassi, a ceramicist whose work is absolutely stunning. I’m captivated by her use of organic shapes. The crinkled vase, featured above, is the perfect object to practice grounding with. It’s made of the earth, free-form, and there’s so much to explore in the texture. Browse more in her shop.

The work of Studio Mari is both interesting and timeless. I recently had the pleasure of meeting Mari, and she is no different. Her jewelry pieces are like small sculptures, alluding to much larger references. Putting on jewelry can be a slow experience. Explore the piece as you slide it down your finger or clasp it around your neck. All pieces by Studio Mari are designed and made in Los Angeles. Shop here.

Willow feminine oil is about “embracing women’s sexuality through self care.” Willow is comprised of high quality oils to help balance hormones and PH levels, soothe irritation, and nourish the skin. Oh and I haven’t mentioned - it’s for your vagina. I need to get myself a bottle, but I did try the oil (on my hands) when Nicole, the founder and creator, let me try it prior to the launch. It smells incredible, and it can be used on other parts of the body as well. Vaginal health is so important, and we often neglect this area as a result of lack of information and understanding of the best way to care down there. Our everyday soaps can be very stripping to this area. Willow can help you to break this neglect with a simple, nourishing, and hopefully sensual ritual. You can purchase the oil here.

Eliana Rodriguez recently debuted her line of beautiful and simple comfort-wear, Gil Rodriguez - a clothing company designed and made in Los Angeles that adheres to ethical and sustainable practices. They source their fabrics from local mills and fairly compensate their workers. These are the Benton Leggings, made of 90% cotton, and they look incredibly comfortable and soft - to touch and against skin.

I recently came across Dehei, a New Zealand-based range of knit bedding made of 100% cotton marle. Dehei means “at home” in Swiss. Make these products part of your nightly ritual, and you’ll certainly feel at home within your bed and yourself.

Listen to the playlist here while practicing some of your new rituals.

I was speaking with a dear friend recently about messiness in life.  I’m using the word messiness here to refer to events that happen that feel alarming, jarring, and maybe even terrifying.  The things that shake us up.   Perhaps you’ve experienced a recurring issue, theme, or symbol in your life, in which you’ve felt fed up with, tired of, angry about - as though you can’t take it any longer.  I’m trying to unsubscribe from the belief that when this happens, it’s because I’m not “getting” something or shifting something.  Yes, I believe that the messiness happens to crack us open.  That it can ultimately be a blessing because it leads us to deeper learning.  But despite all of my best efforts, I cannot control or advance that learning.  People have said things to me like: “you’re attracting this from your mind, and you have to do the work to shift it.”  I think that’s bullshit.  What I do believe is that there are events we go through in order to help our souls to grow.  What I’ve been learning (and what I also struggle with) is that in my eagerness to learn and to grow, no matter what I do, I cannot speed up the process in order to rid my life of the messiness.  I’m learning that if something becomes recurring, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m not doing the work fast enough or deep enough.  During our conversation, my friend told me to accept that life is not on my timeline.  She's right.  It just is.  It doesn’t have to feel great or even okay.  It just is.  What’s happening is what’s happening, and no matter how many meditations we do or journal entries we write or deep issues into our childhood we crack open - we cannot govern what’s happening.  What occurs on the material plane is not a reflection of our insides.  

Perhaps sometimes we have to learn something over and over and over again.  And maybe it’s not because we haven’t learned from it the first time around.  Maybe it’s because we are being asked to learn more, to go deeper.  I am not interested in surface work.  I want to go to the depths.  The work of Object & Us is not about curating a perfect room or a perfect home or a perfect life.  It’s about grounding, even in the midst of groundlessness.  It’s about coming home to ourselves, so that our external world has no bearing on who we feel we are.  

I don’t care how ugly you feel your house is, or if you even have a house.  I didn’t have one for nearly a year, and I still don’t have a “permanent" space.  When I was frustrated about this and told my friend that I wanted to finally sign a year lease and ground in one place, she told me that I can do that in my sleep.  That what I’m going through is not because I’m not doing self work, it’s because I am.  That I can help people with my sessions and workshops and writing more deeply because I’m getting schooled on this shit.

This work is not going to help you to make your life prettier or more appealing.  It’s going to help you to ground despite how ugly it may be.  A really nice side effect of doing the work will be that you learn to better understand your own likes and preferences so that you can create a space you love.  And this is helpful not because of how attractive the space may be, but because the space will help you to operate in a more intentional way.  It will support your journey to living with mindfulness.  So I encourage you to leave room for messiness in your home.  Not so that you neglect your space or become careless, but so that you can leave room for messiness in your life.  Controlling your environment to the extent that there’s no room for fluidity will only keep you from your own freedom.  There’s room for you to be you - in all of your majesty and in all of your messiness.  I promise.

Below are some easy, simple rituals that will help you ground in the midst of groundlessness no matter who you are or where you are:

MORNING DRINK

Whether you’re filling your cup/mug with lemon water, tea, or coffee, study the cup/mug while you’re filling it with your drink of choice.  Connect with it - notice the texture and take note of how you feel in your body while doing this.  When you sit to have your drink, do a stream of consciousness journal entry. 

AFTERNOON EARTHING

Take off your shoes and plant your feet on the earth.  Connect with your breath and breathe in the earth energy through your feet up into your body.  You can also do this throughout the day - even if you are indoors and cannot take your shoes off - at your desk, work table, or in your car.

NIGHTLY SHUT OFF

Turn your phone on airplane mode an hour before you'd like to go to bed.  That way, in the morning you can keep your phone on airplane mode until after your morning ritual is completed.  Lay on your bed at night and feel the sheets/comforter.  Run your hands over the fabric.  Allow the fabric touching your skin to awaken the senses in your body.  You can then rest, close your eyes, and take some time to just be.  It doesn't have to be a formal "meditation," but rather literally a place to rest your head.  You can take mental stock of what you're grateful for, or write it down.  Whatever feels the most natural.  If you don’t have a bed, you can practice this wherever you are sleeping.

I had the pleasure of being interviewed by one of my favorite brands OZMA of California - a female-owned, sustainable and ethical clothing company based here in Los Angeles.  Scroll down to read the interview.  I'm wearing the Matador Romper in Natural - shop here.

You live in Topanga Canyon! Tell us how living there has affected you creatively?

I have access to nature - it's all around. I've been jumping into the ocean nearly every day, and for me, freedom is what inspires me to create. I don't think there's anywhere I feel more free than in the ocean. It's such a cleansing, purifying act, and I feel completely at home in the water. I once was told that in a past life I was a mermaid, and that in this life I finally got my legs. I think it was probably symbolic, but I often feel like that - as if I'm somehow missing something that everyone is clued into. But I also feel like that's part of being creative - feeling a bit "out of it" in the world, yet so, so at home while creating. So jumping in the ocean has allowed me to be more free in the type of work I'm making because it opens up the space for me to tap into that "true essence" part of myself.

You've mentioned that your place is pretty tiny. What's your best advice for those us with less square footage in our lives?

The most obvious answer is to own less. I think more importantly - to create spaciousness within. I sometimes feel like I'm going mad in my current space. I've lived in small spaces for the past 6 years, and my current space is absolutely the smallest, at just over 300 sq. ft. When I feel like the walls are caving in and I want more room to move around in, I go inward and ask myself what my insides need. Sometimes it's as simple as "I'm here and I love you", but sometimes I need to really talk to my inner self and see what's going on underneath it all.

How would you describe your fashion sensibility?

Easy, simple, laid back, androgynous. I like mixing masculine and feminine, and sometimes I feel the sexiest in a button down and pants.

What inspires you?

Nature, chairs, old coffee table/art books, people who are free to be exactly as they are.

Were you always interested in interior design?

Yes. I was always interested in my surroundings and how space affected me. I got really into interiors during my senior year of college. It became almost an obsession. In my spare time I would drive around and go to consignment shops to find old pieces. I love furniture so much.

How does sustainability play into your life?

Sustainability has played into my life since I was 15.  When I found out about global warming, I started an environmental club is my high school.  Once I went off to college, I felt so powerless over everything and sort of gave up trying.  Now I know that we do make a difference as individuals, and in order for the collective to be influenced, we have to make big strides independently.  I gave up fast fashion a few years ago, and I pretty much only shop independently/vintage.  This is very important to me.  And with my philosophy on bringing objects/items into my life/space, I am extremely discerning about what I acquire.  I call this mindful collecting.  We mindlessly consume, and our culture/media trains us to do so.  We have to change the narrative.  The work that I do is really about grounding within ourselves so that we can let go of our attachments to the physical world (emphasis on attachments, as we can't let go of the physical world).  This doesn't mean you have to move into a tent in the woods.  It’s truly about being mindful of the space and objects we surround ourselves with.  We can change the stories we tell ourselves about what we need.  We don’t need anything physical other than food/shelter (meaning, we wouldn’t die without clothing or our beloved objects).  However, we can accept the society we live in and approach how we operate differently.  Yes, by shopping mindfully, but also by strengthening our inner selves so that we can shift our relationship with objects from symbols to tools.   If a piece of art moves you, that piece of art becomes a tool for connection.  Otherwise, you just have art on your wall because “it goes there” or because it's worth something (and is therefore a symbol of money or stature).  You can read more about this concept here.  This method is so much less overwhelming than overhauling your entire life and becoming a radical minimalist.  I'm not suggesting to NOT radically change, but I think it's important to be realistic.  I’ve found that people aren't going to be open to making any strides if they feel overwhelmed.  I still use paper towels.  There are absolutely areas where I need to do better.  I'm working on it.  But I'm transparent about it.  Not because I think being honest gets us off the hook, but because it's better to be honest then to paint a false picture.  Sustainability is trending right now.  I've been reading interviews where people say that they care about where garments come from/how they're made, and then I see these people tagging Zara in their photos.  This is what's problematic and why I feel we really need to change the narrative.  People care about the environment, but not to the extent that they are willing to inconvenience their lives.  Hence my relationship with paper towels.  But answering this question is getting me fired up and ready to end my relationship with them for good.  The more open we are, the more we can inspire change in ourselves and others.

Got any good advice for us on best plants to brighten up a home?

Rubber plants are my favorite because they are the most low maintenance, and they're pet friendly. Some plants ( like aloe) are toxic to pets. I also love bringing in flowers from outside. When at a floral shop, I always pick up baby's breath and eucalyptus.

Thrifted decor or new?

Thrifted.

Favorite all time song?

This question is too hard! First thing that comes to mind right now is: Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell. The second/jazzy version. It's like she has this new ( sadder, yet deeper) perspective on life, and you can hear it in her voice. Perhaps that she's been let down in ways, but it created the most moving song. If I ever want to cry, I'll get in my car, roll the windows down, and aimlessly drive, and blast this song.

Favorite hole in the wall destination in LA?

Hmm. Stories. Does it count as a hole in the wall? It's a bookstore in Echo Park. I love going there and sitting on the benches and opening random pages of books and reading them. I always fantasize about what books I'll end up reading, but I usually feel satisfied just reading bits and pieces in the store and leaving with a lot of unanswered questions ( and no physical books).

Read more on OZMA's journal

Interview by Jasmine Bouzaglou

Photography by me and inspiration imagery by Robert Mapplethorpe